If you were my son

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall, and a a teenager sat down next to him. He had spiked hair that was red, orange, yellow, green, blue & violet.

The Old man stared at the kid.
Whenever the Teen looked, the Old man was staring.

Finally, the Teenager said sarcastically: "what's the matter old boy, never done anything wild in your life?"

Without missing a beat the old man replied: "Got drunk once and has sex with a Peacock, just wondering if you were my son."

Three old men

Three old men were sitting around talking about who had the worst health problems. The seventy-year-old said, "Have I got a problem. Every morning I get up at 7:30 and have to take a piss, but I have to stand at the toilet for an hour 'cause my pee barely trickles out."

"Heck, that's nothing, " said the eighty year old. "Every morning at 8:30 I have to take a shit, but I have to sit on the can for hours because of my constipation. It's terrible".

The ninety-year-old said, "You guys think you have problems! Every morning at 7:30 I piss like a racehorse, and at 8:30 I shit like a pig. The trouble with me is, I don't wake up till eleven."