Wanda Sykes: Tiger Woods

As soon as he turned pro and he won his first tournament, I read, 'Bi-racial golfer wins first tournament.' Oh, OK -- 50/50: he's 50% black, 50% Asian. Alright, cool. Then after he won the masters, I'm flipping through Sports Illustrated, and I read, 'Tiger Woods is a quarter black,' and I'm like, 'Damn, he's down to 25% now, man. What the hell is going on? They're treating him like he's milk.'

Sport Jokes

Earl and Bob, both obsessed with baseball, never missed their favorite team’s game. They promised, whoever died first, and went to heaven, would come back to earth and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. One day, Earl died. Bob waited for him to come back. Finally Earl did. He said to Bob. "I have good news and bad news. I'll tell you the good news first. There is baseball in heaven." Bob said, "That’s the best news!" Then Earl said, time for the bad news....”You're pitching tomorrow night."

Sport Jokes

The boozer took careful aim at the bird, but hit a frog. He picked it up, studied it, scratched his head and said, “Well, anyhow I knocked its feathers off.”

Ice Fishing

Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long, ice fishing. One has been having no luck at all and the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice. The man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secrect is.

"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."

"I'm sorry, I still didn't understand you." The successful man spits something into his hand.

"You've got to keep your worms warm."

10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty

1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

Miscellaneous Jokes

The olympian skier Picabo Street now works in the Intensive Care Unit at a hospital. Unfortunately, the administration told her she can no longer answer the phone, because this is what she said, "Picabo ICU" (Peek-a-boo, I see you)

Holy Shot!

One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won't be able to go to work.

Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, ''Are you really going to let him get away with this?''

''No, I guess not,'' says God.

The priest drives about five to six hours away, so he doesn't bump into anyone he knows. The golf course is empty when he gets there. So he takes his first swing, drives the ball 495 yards away and gets a hole in one.

Saint Peter watches in disbelief and asks, '' Why did you let him do that?''

To this God says, ''Who's he going to tell?''