Art Gallery Nudes

A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the huband keeps looking.
The wife asks, "What are you waiting for?"

The husband replies, "Autumn."

Victorian Ladies

How many Victorian ladies does it take to change a lightbulb?

One hundred.

One to replace the bulb and ninety-nine to contract consumption and die beautiful, poetic deaths.

Sweet Talker

On a plane, a man and his wife are offered tea and both accept. The man tries to be sweet to his wife, saying “Pass the sugar, sugar.... Pass the honey, honey.”

Then he says, “Pass the tea, you old bag.”